How Ted Came Into Possession of the Pineapple
by FictionWriter91
Summary: This is my AU version of how Ted got the pineapple on the night he didn't remember with a little help from Joey Tribbiani. ONE-SHOT


**So this is my first fiction for How I Met Your Mother. I just learned that the mystery of the pineapple was solved, so I thought I'd somehow incorporate that into this story. I really hope you enjoy it! (I know it's a crossover, but I find they don't get discovered in that section)  
**

* * *

 **November 2005**

"I am dying to know," Marshall said. "Where did the pineapple come from?!" Ted's head ached. He barely remembered anything from last night. He had woken up with a girl in his bed, and all Marshall could think about was the pineapple. Of course.

"Can you just help me figure out why there's a girl in my bed?!" Ted asked.

"She is alive, right?" Lily asked, concerned after seeing Ted's burnt jacket.

"I need to call Barney," Ted said, pulling out his phone. Within moments, they hear ringing coming from the bathroom. Marshall, Lily, and Ted make their way there, and they find Barney lying in the tub.

"What are you doing in our tub?" Lily asked.

"Keeps the suit from getting wrinkled," Barney answered as though it was the most logical reason in the world.

"Oh, gross," Lily said. "You were in here when I went to the bathroom!"

"I totally was. For a lady, you've got a big tank," Barney snickered.

"But...we put Ted to bed at one," Marshall interrupted. "How did you get in here?"

"Well..." Barney started.

 **Flashback**

"I'm back baby doll!" Ted shouted, standing in the entrance of McLaren's.

"Yes! The party is getting started!" Barney exclaimed, high fiving him. "Carl, more drinks! It's do-o'clock!"

"Let's do it," Ted agreed. Barney ushered him over to a table where some women were sitting.

"Haaaave you met-" Barney stopped short, seeing Ted was no longer with him. He smiled at the ladies. "Excuse me." He went over to where Ted was standing, reaching for his phone.

"What are you doing?" Barney demanded.

"I'm calling Robin," Ted answered.

"No, no, no! As your mentor, I forbid you to call her!" Barney shouted.

"Oh yea? And what are you gonna do about it?" Ted asked.

"I'll set your coat on fire," Barney answered seriously.

"Yea right," Ted laughed. His call went through, and she answered. "Robin! Hey!"

"Ted, please stop," Robin commanded. "Ted?"

"Ahhhhh!" Ted screamed.

"Ted!"

 **Present**

"You set me on fire?!" Ted exclaimed.

"I told you," Barney shrugged. "And that wasn't real suede. No way that burns up that quickly. You got ripped off, man."

"Dude, you set me on fire," Ted repeated. "And who's the girl in my bed?" Barney went to look while the others followed.

"And a pineapple," Marshall chimed in. "Am I the only one interested in knowing where that came from?"

"Yes, you are," Ted answered.

"Niiice," Barney said, seeing the girl.

"Do you know who that is?"

"Nope," Barney shook his head. Ted scratched his arm, noticing writing on it.

"Hey," he said. "'Hi my name is Ted, if found please call...'" He stared at the others.

"Don't look at us," Marshall said.

 **April 2003**

Rachel Green came out of her bedroom and stopped short when she saw Joey talking to a pineapple.

"God, you're beautiful. Why are we fighting this?" he asked it. "I want you. I need you. Let me make love to you."

"I hate to interrupt, but, wouldn't a cantaloupe be less painful?" Rachel asked.

"Oh...ha," Joey laughed nervously. "You saw that."

"I did," she nodded. "Do you always practice with a pineapple?"

"It looks more like a human head than anything," Joey shrugged.

"I didn't know you even ate pineapple," Rachel laughed.

"I don't. I saw it sitting outside some dude's house, and I thought it was free, so I took it," Joey explained. "It makes for a great rehearsal partner."

"I could be your partner," Rachel said immediately.

"Yea, okay," Joey laughed.

 **November 2005**

"Trudy. My name is Trudy," the woman from Ted's bed said. She looked embarrassed. Then she proceeded to fill Ted in on what had happened.

"What about the pineapple?!" Marshall yelped. It was killing him.

"I have no idea," Trudy shrugged. "You mentioned going to some coffeehouse though. Central Perk?"

"Never heard of it," Ted said.

"Let's go there!" Marshall exclaimed. He absolutely, positively needed to know where the hell the damn pineapple had come from!

...

"Man oh man!" Joey cried. He dug through his fridge frantically.

"What's wrong?" Phoebe Buffay asked. She had stopped over to visit.

"I stupidly gave away my pineapple," Joey moaned. "Some guy wanted it." He looked at the apple in his hand. "Nothing! No connection!"

"I still don't understand your fascination with rehearsing with a pineapple," Phoebe snorted.

"It listens to me, okay?" Joey said, exasperated.

"Do you actually shop for the perfect one?" Phoebe laughed.

"No! There's this place...it's hard to explain."

"Try me."

"All right. There is always a pineapple out front, and I feel like it's put there for me, you know? Like this person knows the pineapple is a perfect fit for me in helping me rehearse," Joey explained.

"You're nuts," Phoebe said.

"Don't say that," Joey whined. "I'm gonna blow today's show if I don't rehearse with something!"

"Joey," Phoebe said. "I think it's time to let the pineapple go."

"I can't. You don't get it," Joey groaned, collapsing onto the chair.

"So, who was the guy?" Phoebe asked.

...

"Yea, you were here last night," Gunther said. He eyed the three people before him warily. The one had been in here last night completely wasted.

"Did you see me talk to anyone?" Ted asked.

"One of the regulars, yea," Gunther replied.

"Who?!" all three asked at the same time.

...

"Man," Joey said as they walked down the stairs. "I'm getting tired of all these stairs."

"Then move," Phoebe suggested.

"I can't. I'm the last legacy of this building," Joey said.

"That's no reason to stay," Phoebe scoffed. Joey gaped at her.

"It's like you don't know me at all," he said as they entered the coffeehouse.

"There he is," Gunther's voice said. Joey stopped short. It was the drunk dude from last night!

...

"You gotta tell me what happened," Ted begged. They were sitting on the couch. Barney was sipping his latte while the others sat in rapt attention.

"Well," Joey started.

 **Flashback**

"Hellooo!" Ted cried. He looked around him. This place was new. Joey looked up, and he immediately knew there was gonna be trouble.

"Sir, we're closing in five minutes," Gunther said. "Can you either order something or leave?"

"I'm looking for Robin," Ted said.

"There is no Robin here," Gunther answered. He looked over at Joey for help.

"Hey, buddy," Joey said. "It's nine pm. Why are you so loaded already?"

"Cos I drank shots!" Ted shouted. "I told the others I was going to the bathroom, but somehow I ended up here." Ted looked around.

"Where were you before?" Joey asked.

"McLaren's Pub," Ted answered.

"I know where that is," Joey grinned. "Gunther, I'll take it from here. Come on." Joey led Ted out of the coffeehouse.

"What's your name?" Ted slurred.

"Joey."

"I'm Ted. Teddy Boy. Ted Evelyn Mosby," Ted drawled. "I'm in love with Robin Scherbatsky!"

"That's nice," Joey smiled. He wanted this guy off his hands. They passed the place where Joey got his rehearsal pineapple.

"Oh, hang on," Joey said. "I need this for tomorrow." He scooped up the pineapple.

"Hey, cool!" Ted shouted. "Is it like a magic pineapple?!"

"You could say that," Joey agreed. It was so nice to have someone else understand!

"Can I touch it?" Ted asked.

"Why not," Joey shrugged. Ted reached out and petted it.

"Prickly!" he laughed. They walked along, or rather stumbled on Ted's part. Joey listened to Ted go on about Robin for the entire walk.

"You really should just tell her how you feel," Joey said just before they got to McLaren's.

"I can't. I'm afraid I'll lose her," Ted slurred. "Unless...hey! Can I have the magic pineapple? Maybe it'll bring me good luck!"

"Uh..." Joey trailed off. He needed it for himself, but then again, it appeared this Ted Mosby needed more magic than he did in this current moment. "I suppose. Take good care of it."

"Oh I will," Ted nodded rapidly. He took it from Joey and started up the stairs.

"Aren't you going into the bar?" Joey asked.

"I wanna put this away first. Keep it safe," Ted answered, not looking back.

"All right. Take care of yourself," Joey muttered.

 **Present**

"That's right!" Ted exclaimed. "I remember now...I think." He furrowed his brow.

"Yea, well, did it at least work? I'm gonna screw up my show today cos I didn't have it," Joey complained.

"I'll find out. Robin is coming over! Oh God! Robin!" Ted cried, jumping to his feet. He ran out the door.

"I'm so glad we found out the pineapple mystery," Marshall grinned. "Thanks, man!"

"Sure," Joey said, waving. Barney gave Phoebe a wink on his way out.

"Hee hee!" she giggled. "He's cute."

"He's a player," Joey told her. "I can smell it on him."

"That's too bad," Phoebe sighed.

"Ahem. Isn't Mike waiting for you?" Joey asked.

"Right!" Phoebe said, remembering.

...

"I moved on," Ted argued.

"Really?" Robin asked.

"Yup. Trudy! Come on out," Ted called. He had left her at the apartment when he went to talk to Carl and Joey. He walked to his room with Robin following him. "Trudy!"

"She's shy," Robin noted.

"Shut up," Ted said. He opened the door. "Trudy?" She was gone. Robin walked over to the pineapple on the nightstand.

"Hi, Trudy, it's nice to meet you," she said, pretending to shake the pineapple's hand.

"I'm not making this up," Ted told her. "She must of climbed down the fire escape."

"Sure," Robin said.

"Whatever. I don't care what you think."

"Then why did you hide her from me?"

"Did anyone tell you that you could be on 60 minutes?" Ted asked.

"Yes, you did. Last night," Robin added. "Get some sleep, Ted. And don't feel bad, I've woken up with worse."

 **Future Ted**

"You see, kids, sometimes you wake up from a wild night with a sprained ankle, a girl, and a pineapple. The pineapple didn't turn out to be magic because I didn't get with Robin that day, but it sure was delicious!"

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 **Maybe it was a silly idea, but I wanted to share it anyway. I apologize if it's already been done! Thanks for reading!**


End file.
